The Long Road
by The Devil Wears Westwood
Summary: There was no doubt in my mind that I was supposed to be with America Singer. After everything that we had ever gone through, every secret, every fight, I knew that I loved her endlessly. There was no one else who could ever make me feel this way. Scenes through the Selection, the Elite, and the One, re-written through Maxon's eyes. Maxon/America
1. The Rebels Attack

**AN: Just a little one-shot about Maxon's POV after the Rebels shot him and a few things between that and his proposal to America. I hope you enjoy and feel free to go check out my other The One one-shots and my The One story.**

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Go and be happy, those were the last words she would here from me. I had allowed my eyes to close, floating off into images and memories of my beautiful America. We had both made so many mistakes in our relationship and I had almost made the biggest one of all. At least, if I were to die, it wouldn't be engaged to Kriss. As sweet and kind as she had always been to me there was no one I wanted to spend my life with the way that I did America Singer. Last night had been so wonderful—the greatest moments of my entire life. Silent tears slipped out of my eyes, I could feel them rushing down my cheeks while the blood spread out all around me. Finishing last night had been robbed from me. Being the man to love and adore her body had been torn from me! The thought rocked my body with rage but it did me no good. I was still here, bleeding out and slowly dying all alone.

I thought of a future that I might have been able to die with America at my side, never leaving as I took my final breaths. But that was not the way I was going to die nor was it the way she was going to live. She would marry her guard after I was dead. Even if she truly did love me like she claimed and continued to say even as I was ready to send her out of my life forever, I was going to die here and I wouldn't be able to give her a future. At least he would. She would be able to have children and raise them to be just as strong and independent as she was. They would be beautiful if they looked anything like their mother. More tears spilled out of me.

I had to be thankful I had been shot though. It broke my stubbornness. Well, watching the gun be aimed at her broke it, anyway. In those moments, my heart rate had increased and my blood boiled in anger that someone would threaten her that way. I had to protect her. I thought I was going to be too late as I heard the gunshot as the bullet escaped from the Rebel's gun. I wanted to scream her name but a moan of pain was all that could escape my lips. I realized I had done it, I had protected my beautiful America from being shot. I had Officer Aspen Leger carry Kriss and then America to safety. I wished them both the best in their futures. I hoped that they would find love and happiness.

I felt horrible for the loss of the Newsome family. Even though Celeste had never been my favorite, I couldn't imagine the pain of losing my child and I hated that it was because of me she was now dead. Part of me wished I could get up off the floor, go to her and give her a soft hug or maybe a kiss on the forehead, apologize to her for the early grave I had sentenced her to. I could have ended the Selection a long time ago. I could have called it off and taken my father's offer. All four of my remaining Elite could have gone on to live peaceful lives somewhere else. I hoped that Elise had found somewhere to be hidden away safely. I wouldn't want to deaths on my head. No one would actually blame me but in these final moments of mine there was nothing else I could do but think about this.

I heard America's laugh flood in from my memories and I wished I could keep hearing it for years. I wish I would have proposed to her at Halloween. It would have saved Marlee and Carter their fate. It would have meant Celeste would still be alive. It would have meant so many different things. I could have proposed to her that day we danced in the rain, too. So many beautiful, private opportunities I would have had to make her mine. She would have told me yes, I'm sure of that. I don't know what she was doing with that guard this morning but I had to trust it wasn't as intimate as it looked. I saw the heartbreak in her eyes as I continued to push her away so I could just propose to Kriss. It was the same fear I had felt in those moments as I finally confronted her. Maybe if I would have just told her my suspicions she would have told me the truth. Maybe if I hadn't been offering time to the others she wouldn't have felt like she needed a Plan B. I understood her actions, finally. But I also finally knew that I had won her heart the way she had mine.

My mind drifts from the Selection and the girls to my parents. How terrible I felt for leaving my mother behind. I, her only child, was going to die. I didn't know if she would be able to cope with that. She had kept herself away from the girls until I narrowed them down to the Elite and even then she didn't want to get attached to the idea of having a daughter. I felt so bad for her. All of what should have been my siblings had failed and now it was my turn, my turn for my life to end. I wanted to apologize to her for not being able to live and give her grandchildren. I loved my mother and held her in the upmost respect that I would have given just about anything to turn my fate around. To fill the palace with the laughter of many children and hope that it would help fill the emptiness she had always felt. I don't know if it would have completely healed her from all of her loss but at least I would have been able to help. At least I wouldn't be adding to her hurt.

I don't know how my father will respond but part of me hopes that no one tells him I died protecting America. I know his fury and his temper and I didn't want him to lash out at her for the death of his only heir. Surely, being the intelligent man that he is, he would find a way to come up with another before he passed away. I thought of the few moments in my early childhood where I felt that he truly loved me the way my mother did. How much I had wanted to impress him my entire life but always managed to come up short. The scars on my back proved that I hadn't been enough. I wished I could have shown him otherwise. Or maybe I would have been able to accept that I would never have his approval and move on from it. I would have been able to see the real value of my triumphs as king and not the failures of my plans and suggestions that he thought was the most important things to point out.

I felt all of my thoughts begin to get jumbled and confused. This must be it. I must have finally lost enough blood to die. I feel my body start to relax as if it is finally ready to fall asleep but I know that this won't be like any other sleep I've had before. But I'm ready for this. So long as America's alive, I don't mind dying for her.

My body feels like it is floating. I didn't think dying would feel like this but I guess it's not something that could be taught. I feel my shoulders get shook. I hear a voice yelling but I can't make out the words. All I can tell is, from the pitch at least, this is a male. Perhaps one of the guards has found me. _Too late_, I want to whisper to them so they can get sent along to the next person who might have a better chance of survival than I do.

"Damn it, your Majesty!" he yells. "Wake up, stay with me your Majesty, for Mer."

I know who it is now. There is only one person who ever called America 'Mer' (or at least suggested that name, the night we had been whisked away to meet with the Northern Rebels). Officer Aspen Leger. But why would he be concerned about me waking up for her. Yet, somewhere from inside of me, a little fight starts to kick back against death. Something about staying alive for America has ignited whatever strength I may have had left in order to have the life I had been dreaming of and worried I would never get.

My eyes open and I see him struggling to pick me up. There is blood on him and from the way he is struggling I would guess that some of it is his own. I try to help him with whatever strength I can muster to wrap my right arm around his neck so he can help me stand. I feel his body freeze for a moment as he realizes that I'm still alive and trying to comply with his request. He quickly shakes this off and together we somehow get me to my feet. "The Northern Rebels have the Southern side under control, your Majesty. A few of the doctors have been released from the hiding locations and have requested that guards start bringing them the wounded. Keep awake, your Majesty." He tells me, dragging me along. He's limping and my feet can barely find the strength to walk, so it's a slow but steady pace.

Somehow I see that we've made it to the hospital wing. He helps me onto a bed before sliding back into a chair. He insists that he's fine and tells the doctor to focus on saving me. I see a nurse start to bandage him and my world collapses to darkness.

When I do wake up, I find that I'm no longer in the hospital but in my own private suite. It can't be the Prince's Suite, as I can recognize my own bedroom. It looks like—and that's when it all crashes down on me. Somehow, my father must have been killed in the raid. There was no other explanation why I would have been moved to his room. One of the nurse's assigned to me tells me everything that I need to know. Both my parents had been killed. Someone had seen my mother protecting my father, only for him to be killed moments later. I brush the few tears from my eyes not wanting to break down in front of one of my subjects. I was to be the King now and I wanted my kingdom to know that they could find strength in me even in the hardest of moments. But she had heard nothing of Lady America. That threatened to break my heart into a million pieces.

I slept for what seemed like decades thanks to the medication they had given me. I was only occasionally woken up to sign an announcement that Gavril would read to the public about the attack and the loss of my parents. Other than that, I didn't have very many guests. Someone had finally found that Lady America was safe but had been put into a deep sleep to combat her own shock. Kriss had come to see me and I had offered her my sincerest apologizes. Now that I knew that America was alive, I knew that I wanted to propose to her and pray that she would say yes. And even if she didn't, I didn't want to keep Kriss around as a second place prize any longer. It wasn't fair to her, for as amazing as she was, she deserved to be someone's first place reward.

Days seemed to drag on and I kept hoping I would be alright enough to go and visit America. But the doctors kept telling the nurses to refuse that request so all I could hope for was that she would come and see me. One day, there was a knock on the door that woke me up from my sleep. I hoped more than anything that it would be her. But it wasn't. It was Officer Aspen Leger.

"Your Majesty, I would like to offer my deepest apologizes for the loss of your mother and father," he started, staying at the far end of my room. I looked at him silently, my eyes slightly glaring. I couldn't help but to be jealous of America's first love. He had everything I did not: her first kiss, her first I love you's, the first man to hear her secrets, and so much more. "I am also sorry for going after Am—Lady America when I first got here. She told me from the very beginning that whatever we had been before, we couldn't be that here. I could tell she had started to fall for you and that just made me fight harder for her."

"You were her first love," I replied, coldly. But there wasn't much else that I could say. I wasn't even sure why we were having this conversation. Surely he must think she was going to reject me and return home with him.

"Yes, and she was mine."

Past tense, I recognized. Did this mean that he didn't love her anymore either? He must have read my mind because he continued, "She will always have a place in my heart. But I am no longer in love with her. I have met someone else here in the palace and she is everything Mer wasn't in my life. As happy as she made me when we were together, there were still some things that she could never have fulfilled."

So he didn't love her anymore, at least not enough to want to pull her away. "Congratulations," I responded. He nodded stiffly as if he were unsure how to continue our conversation or how to pull it all together towards the point he was trying to make.

"When we went home, her brother threatened to expose us to you. But I heard her tell him off. It was then I realized how much she loved you. The only reason were together that morning was because I wanted to tell her that I had moved on and I was happy she had too. I just wanted to inform you of that, your Majesty."

I nodded. I appreciated hearing that. At least I knew now how much she really loved me if her former boyfriend would come and in and tell me he was happy for us. "Thank you, Officer Leger," I replied. There was an awkward pause between us before he headed out of the room.

A few hours later, my America came in to see. From the look in her eyes, I could tell that she still believed there wasn't an us anymore. I wanted to pull her into my arms and start kissing her but I wanted to confirm that we would be together after this. I wanted to know that was truly what she wanted.

When she said yes, my world exploded with the upmost happiness. There was nothing more that I wanted. And it was finally falling into place. While there was still a long road in front of us, it would forever be our road. We wouldn't have to go through anything alone anymore. Wherever one was, the other would be. Our happy ending.


	2. The Dungeon

**So I have been bouncing around with this idea in my head for a little while now and finally decided that I wanted to write it. Plus, everyone has been asking me to add some Maxerica fluff in my story, Almost Lovers, but unfortunately I haven't reached a point where I could do that for my readers. So I decided to write about the early hours after the Halloween party and what had happened between that and the whipping of Marlee and Carter. **

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I had fallen asleep, slightly drunk, but mostly overjoyed with how the Halloween party went. I was ready now more than ever to marry America. While I had to greet everyone else, there was no one I wanted to spend my time with the way that I did her. She had looked simply stunning in her costume and I couldn't keep my eyes off her. When I made my toast, I hope she knew that it was directed at her and no one else. I wanted to propose to her, right then and there, but I knew that I had to wait just a little bit longer. I wasn't sure how my father would take me choosing someone who had no connections that would help our country but I could care less. However, I knew that I needed to help her get higher in the polls so that the rest of Illéa would approve of who I was going to marry. I knew that we would be able to do it. I just hoped I would be able to wait that long. Maybe I could propose to her in secret, only do small dates with the other Elite so no one would suspect anything, and then propose in public to America when the time was right! Every one of those thoughts drifted me into a deep sleep and beautiful dreams of my future with America.

Far too early I heard a pounding on the door. I groaned into my pillow and reached for the watch on my nightstand. It couldn't possibly be time to get up for the morning. I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to help myself wake up. Perhaps it was just because of the party that I was so exhausted. I knew that would happen—father had told me that I would still be expected to wake up on time if we threw it and I had agreed. I wanted to impress America and show her that I would be willing to do just about anything for her. I groaned louder, this time annoyed, when I saw that my watch read 3am. I had only been asleep for a little over two hours! What on earth could possibly be going on that I needed to be up three hours before I had anything scheduled for the day? I rolled out of bed and tried to put on my best face and act, not wanting to be disciplined later for acting out of line. I would have to get used to this if I was going to become king in the next few years.

Outside my door was one of the guards. He looked like he was a little more tired than I was and I felt sorry for him having to be up this late patrolling. Still, I was confused about why he had been asked to wake me up at this hour. "Yes? Officer Thomas, what is going on?" I asked, trying to hide the sleepiness in my voice. I bit back several yawns waiting for his reply.

His eyes looked sad, almost like he didn't want to answer. What had happened that could be this bad? Had someone been killed or gone missing? What news was I going to have to deal with at this ungodly hour? "Lady Marlee," he started slowly, looking like he didn't want to finish the news, "was found in a closet with Officer Carter Woodwork. They've been imprisoned and I was summoned by King Clarkson to come and get you so you could confront them about stealing from the royal family."

Stealing from the royal family, I pouted. I wished more than anything now that I had already proposed to Lady America early this evening. If I had, they wouldn't be in trouble. She had seemed slightly interested in me on our date but I had pulled away almost immediately afterwards. This must have been why. I didn't know if they had known each other before the Selection or had met in the palace but she was clearly in love with someone else. I had considered sending her home but she seemed desperate to stay. She wanted to be close to this officer that must have been the only reason she was acting like she was interested in me. That was fine, I was already in love with America and didn't want any of the other girls.

I walked down the halls to the dungeon with Officer Thomas. I was extremely worried about what was going on. I knew that my father would want to put them to death. I didn't want that. How would I ever explain to America that I had to let her best friend in the Selection be killed because she didn't want to be with me? She would think I wasn't any better than the rest of my family members and I didn't want that. How would she ever want to marry me if I let that happen? I choked it back, trying to think of something to spare their lives.

When I got down to the dungeons, my father was nowhere to be found. Instead, Officer Woodwork was tied up at one of the cell while Lady Marlee was at the other hand. They were tied to the wall so they couldn't reach and try to comfort each other in what they knew was coming. I looked back and forth between the two, whose eyes were locked on each other in fear and love. I imagined that was probably how I looked when I was around America. I felt truly sorry for both of them. I knew that I had to save their lives, somehow. Maybe I could still propose to Lady America in the morning and spare them. There would be no need for them to be killed for breaking their vow to me and my family. I took a deep breath and cleared my throat, hoping it would be enough to get their attention.

"Lady Marlee, Officer Woodwork," I said, sighing heavily from exhaustion and confusion on how to save them. They looked up at me, Marlee ashamed and Carter with pleading eyes.

"Oh, Prince Maxon, please spare her life," he begged me. I wanted to cut them free right there and then and send them on their way. But I knew that I couldn't. Too many people knew now about their affair—mainly my father knowing was the greatest problem. "You can kill me, blame this all on me, make it seem like I forced myself on her!" I could tell by the tone in his voice that he was close to tears. He must love her a great amount if he was willing to feed the public these lies to save her life. I stayed quiet, still unsure what to say.

"Prince Maxon," Marlee whispered to me with pleading eyes. "I'll die with Carter. Just, please, I didn't want to leave him when I had a way to stay at the palace and be with him. If I had left I didn't know the next time I could see him or when we could get married. I wanted to know he was safe, too. I've seen the rebels attack, if I had left I wouldn't have been able to see him and make sure he was okay."

I nodded at both of them. I didn't want them to die. I lightly rubbed my temple, trying to think. "I don't want either of you to die. Lady Marlee, I'm sorry if this is blunt but I have no interest in you. I don't know how many of you girls know that I'm in love with America, or at least think that's true. If I could propose to her already and save your lives, I would."

She nodded, soft tears falling out of her eyes. "We'll die together," she whispered, looking at Carter. He didn't want her to die at all but she couldn't live in a world without him. That was the beauty of true love right there and I couldn't help but think that I would act the same if it were America and I in the same situation as they were right now.

I searched around the dungeon quickly and found the keys, stepping inside of their cell and cutting them free. They should at least be allowed to be together if they were going to die in the morning. It was then that an idea hit me. It wasn't going to be simple and it would leave long lasting reminders of this 'treason'. I flinched myself at the idea, knowing how painful and miserable it could be. I looked at them and decided I had to at least offer them the choice to take it and live, even if they would struggle for the rest of their lives.

"I," I whispered, not wanting to put anybody else through that pain but not wanting to kill them off either, "I could have you whipped instead of killed. Maybe your hands since you were all over each other when you were found? Whipped and stripped down to an 8 caste. I'm so sorry, that's such a terrible suggestion but if you were to live you could at least heal and get married. Have a life together."

They looked up as if I had offered them their freedom. Then they looked at each other, as if they were having a quiet conversation to see if that was something they both wanted to be subjected to. "Yes, Prince Maxon. Oh thank you for sparing us," Marlee whispered to me, clinging to Carter tighter. I smiled softly at the both of them.

"I'll do that for you both then. I'm so sorry, it'll be painful I know it will. But I really hope that you will recover quickly and enjoy many happy years together."

Without another word I headed out of the dungeons and headed back to my bedroom. I wanted to head down to America's room and explain what was going to happen in the morning. I didn't want her to be angry with me and I hoped that she would forgive me. Maybe she would be grateful that I had found a way to spare her friend's life and ensure that they could have a future together instead of losing their lives in the morning. Then I would wait until I had my first meetings in the morning and tell father that I had decided to show them compassion. I knew he would be angry but I didn't care.

I froze as a hand was placed on my shoulder. I knew that tight grip all too well. I looked up at the dark, beady eyes of my father as he glared down at me. He must have been hiding in the prison, wanting to test me and see how I would react. Clearly, I had failed his expectations and had been too kind. Yet, I still didn't care that he was pissed off about the situation. I would do anything to spare their lives.

"My study, now," he instructed, his grip never leaving my shoulder as he pushed me in the opposite direction of America's room. I knew what was going to happen and I could only hope that I would still have the energy to go and talk to her afterwards. He pushed me inside the study and I nearly fell to the floor from the force of his shove. Sometimes I forgot just how strong my father really was.

"Take off your shirt and bend over that chair," he ordered as he walked around his desk. I was slow to do what he wanted, wanting to be able to stand up to him for a change. But I feared that I'd never be able to give Marlee and Carter what I had promised if I fought back against my father in these next few moments. He could have me if they would be allowed to live. I did exactly what he wanted, but I did it as slowly as I possibly could. I heard the drawer open and the first crack of the belt. A practice whip, one to show me what was going to happen to me.

Next, he dumped a bucket of water slowly over my back, careful not to get the water anywhere else. This was going to be one of the harder ones to take. He then wet the whip and I took a deep breath, getting ready for the pain. "You are weak," he said, cracking the whip against my back. I hid my wince of pain and chewed on my lip to keep from crying out in pain. "You need to be strong and follow the law." Another whip. "You can't show compassion for treason!" Two more whips that time, this time one hit my spine perfectly. One tear threatened to fall out of my eyes but I refused to allow it. I wouldn't let him see how much pain I was going through. "You are a failure. I wish any of your other siblings had survived and you had died. Maybe they would have been more impressive heirs then you. She was the public's favorite, she betrayed them as she did us. She deserves to die." That wasn't true. Nobody deserved to die for wanting to be with their true love.

One more whip against one that I had already been made. I whimpered in pain, no longer to hold it back. He stepped away from me and cleaned by blood off his beloved whip. Then he threw the towel at me. "I'll allow you to let them be whipped and stripped of their caste, you pathetic excuse for a prince. Just know that I think you're pathetic and need to work on becoming better before you think I will let you come close to being king."

He left me alone to clean up and I staggered slowly to my bedroom to bandage myself up. My shirt was stained with blood and would have to be thrown away so word of this didn't reach my mother. I managed to clean up the cuts and bandage myself up. I tried to get up but found myself falling to the floor. It was almost as if he knew that I wanted to go and explain myself to America. I just couldn't find the energy to get up and go and tell her how sorry I was for what was going to happen to her friend. I even wanted to tell her that I knew how miserable it was going to be, how rough the pain was from personal experience. But it was going to have to wait until later in the day. I crawled back into my bed and tried to sleep for a few more hours.

After the whipping, America refused to see me. She shut me away, blaming me just as I knew she would. I felt absolutely terrible about the matter and was terrified that she would be getting sent home for her actions in trying to save Marlee and Carter. She had slipped even further in the polls for her actions. That hurt. She was just trying to save her friend! It was almost as if the public was as brainwashed as my father and didn't believe in true love at all. I sighed and crawled back into bed having been given the rest of the evening off. I had tried to go see America once more but she refused me. I hoped that I would be able to explain things to her when the initial pain from the events died away. Hopefully she would want to listen to me then. I drifted off into a less peaceful sleep thinking that I would help disguise the two of them and get them jobs at the palace after they had healed. Maybe that would help America forgive me. I drifted off into a far less peaceful sleep than the few nights before and of Halloween, unable to escape the guilt I was feeling from not forcing myself to go and talk to America after I had been whipped.


	3. The Safe Room

**For DaughterofSea. I hope you enjoy it!**

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"Or," my father offered, "I could simply talk to her." He gestured to my beautiful America. I closed my eyes for only half a second and took a step closer to my father.

"No," I said, almost as quickly as I could, holding up my hand to protest what he was going to do to me if I let him or what he would do to her if I didn't let him have me. "That won't be necessary. Ladies," I added turning to the remaining Elite girls, deciding that my mother could tell Natalie the news about her sister as I tried to find the courage I would need to get through the rest of the evening, "why don't you all head upstairs. We'll have dinner sent to you tonight." I paused and looked at my beautiful America, knowing perfectly well that this would probably be the last time that I ever saw her. Tears threatened to swell in my eyes and I just wanted to undo the last few moments, undo her entire presentation, undo everything and just go back to Halloween and propose to her right then and there, where I had made my toast. "America," I whispered, almost inaudible to my ears as they didn't want to hear the words I had to say, "Maybe you should go ahead and collect your things. Just in case."

"Excellent idea," I heard my father say before he put a hand on my shoulder and started to push me towards his office with a gentle nudge since we were all still in front of a crowd of people. "After you, _son_." The way he said that made me feel as if I was no child of his. As if having these feelings for America were the biggest disappointment I had ever caused him and I was going to learn what it meant to shame my father tonight. I thought I had learned that lesson before but something about the way things were going tonight suggested that I knew nothing.

As soon as we were out of the view of my mother and other bystanders, my father rushed me down the hall and all but threw me into the floor of his study. I hit the ground rather than catch myself. If I showed any strength tonight, he would turn around and do the exact same thing to America. I would never allow that to happen, I would never allow for her to be hurt. I realized that she didn't understand what I had been doing with Celeste and Kriss but she hadn't been giving me any time to explain or show her that it was her I truly loved. Instead, she had pushed me away and I had simply panicked searching for a backup plan in case she didn't want to be with me anymore. But I didn't want a backup I wanted my darling America and tonight I may have lost her for good. I hated all the miscommunication that existed between us and how much hate she must have been directing towards me to suggest that on the _Report. _I closed my eyes for a brief moment to imagine our last kiss to help give me strength for the rest of the night.

"She is going home, Maxon. I don't give a damn that this is your Selection. You are going to send her home. Now, take off your shirt." I nodded my head quietly, unbuttoning it as he pushed a chair over to my side. I leaned my arms against it, wrapping my fingers on the back rest and stretching my back out as long as it would go.

"This is my Selection father, I don't want her to go home."

That was lash number one. He hit it with the maximum force possible and I didn't know that the pain could ever be this bad from a single hit. "She is going home!" His voice bellowed as he paced back and forth in his stride looking for the next place to hit my back. "She doesn't care about you Maxon if she's willing to do that. Stop being so stupid. You don't know about your duty son?! We are supposed to be in charge of this, we are supposed to uphold tradition. We don't need Loyalists acting up because we are threatening to take away from their birth right!"

"She has suffered father, all of the lower castes are suffering!"

Another whip to my back for that. I bit my lip to hold back my scream. I didn't want to take any more of this, I wanted to fight back but I had to keep strong for America. I let a tear stream down my cheek. Was he right? Did she not care about me if she was willing to do something so reckless? She had been mad at me before but she had never done anything so stupid.

"Kriss Ambers is a much better choice. Celeste Newsome and Elise Whisks would keep you in line. They would help you to support the country that our ancestors have built. That Natalie girl will probably go home with the loss that she has suffered or I would make you marry her right now!" Another whip.

"We don't need to just care for the upper castes!" I yelled back. I bit my tongue the minute the words had escaped my mouth. He whipped me twice for that.

"This is why I will always be pulling the strings, Maxon! You will never be fit to be king!" That was the last whip I received before he threw it into a bucket of water to wash the blood off. "Get out of my sight," he ordered, not turning around to face me. I quickly put on my shirt and jacket, grabbing my silver box out of the corner and heading out of his room.

I slumped down the halls trying to find my strength. I wanted to be strong and keep my head up high in case I ran into a guard, my mother, or one of the other girls. I didn't want to send America home but I didn't want my father doing it himself. He didn't seem pleased with me even if he had taken his anger out and I wasn't convinced that he still wouldn't want America for the things that I had said. She had changed me and I knew that he had sensed that. He would want her influences far from Illéan policy, far from my mind, so that he could try and change me back into the person he wanted to mold into the next King when he eventually did die.

I glared angrily down the hall when I noticed that America was out of her room. I hobbled as quickly and as upright as I possibly could, trying to get back to my room so I could take care of my injuries. She told me she was trying to decide if she had done something stupid and I assured her that she had been. I wanted to yell at her while at the same time push her against the wall and kiss her with all of my might. I wanted to curse her for ruining there being a chance that we could be something, that we could have been married, while at the same time giving her all my love and all the love there was in the world so she knew that my heart would always belong to her, that it had always belonged to her even though I had lost her forever.

All too quickly though the Southern Rebels were attacking and I found myself shoved into a room, just America and I. How many times in the last few weeks had I wished that we could be alone like this? If I had had my way, if she had been speaking to me, then we could have had all the needed alone time. But she had held such a tight grudge against me since everything had happened with Marlee. I winced at the memory and from the pain that was rising from my back. _No_, I told myself, you can't let her see this. _It's enough that you'll one day have to show this to your future wife you don't need to share it with America._ I kept trying to convince myself that I could handle the pain, that I had handled it all before. I looked across the room at her and just wanted to cry. I didn't want for her to go home. I wanted to tell her the speech I had mapped out for when I proposed, I just wanted her to be mine. But perhaps I should tell her this one last secret, see that someone could still love me despite all of these disgusting scars. Especially if the day came that Kriss wanted to go home. Celeste would shriek at the horror and judge me for the lack of beauty that would be found on my back. I didn't know how Kriss would respond but she would never believe that my father had done this.

"I can't…I can't take it anymore. America, help with my coat?" She scooted closer to me as I held out my arm. I was so afrad of how she would react and how much she would blame herself. I didn't want her to blame herself even if some of them had been a result of her actions or blunt decisions. Things that she knew, things I had told her had all lead to this but at the time I had hoped she would become my wife so I had thought it was okay. I wouldn't have kept her in the dark like my father did to my mother.

"Your record for keeping secrets isn't that impressive right now. But this is one that goes to your grave. And mine. Do you understand?" She nodded and I let her unbutton my shirt. How many time I had dreamed of her doing this. I had dreamt of laying over her as she removed my shirt, my hands removing whatever dress her maids had spun for her and seeing what laid underneath the beautiful fabric. My dreams probably didn't do me any justice but it didn't matter now. I would never know. I hoped that she had dreamed of doing the same at least once or twice but I was so afraid that she never had, that she had never loved me at all if she could be so careless.

She cleaned up the injuries and I tried to remain strong, hiding all of the pain and fear in my eyes that she might be hurting almost as bad as I was. "I've been preparing for tonight for years, you know? I've been waiting for the day when I was strong enough to take him on." And it was true, I had spent a lot of time with a physical trainer when I wasn't in meetings. There had been so many early hours that I had trained nonstop. I wondered if she understood why it had been such an insult to be called a child and the times she had pushed me around—or others—would ignite such a large flame in my life.

"Why didn't you?" I could tell she was afraid of the answer, as if she already knew what I was going to tell her.

"I was afraid that if he didn't have me, he'd want you." Of course I was still protecting her, after everything that had gone wrong I didn't want anyone to ever harm my beautiful America. I thought of her future husband then and prayed that he was going to be loving and gentle, kind and strong, everything that I had wanted to be and more. Enough to keep her temper down and keep her from throwing everything away in her moments of weakness. She deserved a man who could be that strong for her. She deserved a man who didn't make her want to doubt herself so much.

It was then that we started talking about Kriss and Celeste. I wanted her to finally ask me the questions she actually wanted the answers to. I wanted her to ask me who I loved and I didn't want her to judge me for needing a back-up plan or a few minutes to escape the world that I lived in. She didn't seem to judge me though but she seemed rather heartbroken about Kriss.

"You were my pick. My only pick. My father wasn't enthusiastic but at that point you hadn't done anything to upset him. So long as you were quiet, he didn't mind me keeping you. In fact, he was fine with me choosing you, if you were well behaved. He's used your recent actions to point out the flaws in my judgment and is insisting that he have the final say now." It was painful admitting that to her. I didn't know if I would get to even have a single word in who became my wife. If Natalie were to stay, he would probably make me marry her on the spot. _Damn it America, why did you have to do this to me? Why did you have to make me lose you?_

She asked me if I would ever pick Celeste and that hurt. She wasn't understanding at all how much I didn't want to pick any of these other girls. I thought of the ring plans I had laying around my room and the few photos I had taken of different options when I was ready to propose to her. They would have to be thrown away now, they would be far too painful of memories to hold on to.

"Kriss is a good choice. She'd make a much better princess than I ever would have." That wasn't true. I wanted to scream it in her face and tell her she would have done a wonderful job with time. If we could have made it through until my father's death, there were so many things that we could have changed, so many things that we could have done. I thought of my plans to dissolve the castes. She had ruined that, he would never let me suggest such a thing ever again. If I did, he would probably find a way to have the crown taken away from me for good.

"Did you ever love me?" I finally found the courage to say. I wanted to tell her that I loved her too but she never gave me a straight answer about it. It was as if she couldn't tell me those words and leave them here when she would be elsewhere. But I was grateful that she would have told me yes if I had asked her at Halloween. _Maxon, you idiot. Why didn't you force yourself down that hallway, force yourself to go talk to her regardless of the new whip marks you had gotten? You could have proposed, you could have changed all of this. _Those thoughts broke my heart. Even if it was her decisions that had led to these consequences, I still could have changed them too.

"Thank you," I whispered, wanting to pull her in close to me and kiss her now. I didn't have any other questions or anything else to say. I just wanted to make the most of our time together. "At least for one brief moment of our time together, you and I felt the same thing."

I was glad when she said she wasn't sure if she would go back to her ex. I hoped that he had learned to treat my America better if she was going back. I gave her back the New Asia bracelet, wanting her to have a small piece of our happiness to keep with her forever. A token piece of my heart that would forever be hers. I had promised not to tug my ear with anyone else because that was hers, but so many things that she couldn't begin to understand would always be hers as well.

Officer Tanner didn't make it to telling my parents. My mother held and rocked me for almost an hour and I could tell how terrified she was at the thought of losing her only child. My father had tried to send her away for a brief moment with me but I had decided to keep her in the room. It was then that I decided to make my boldest move yet. I didn't trust America, but I didn't want her sent home. I wanted to have a chance to forgive her and let her earn back my trust. I wanted her to stay so that she could prove herself all over again, and against all odds, become my wife.

"America Singer saved my life." I looked up at him. "Your anger was the reason I couldn't make it to the proper safe room. This is my Selection and my choice. And I chose to send Natalie home so she can grieve with her family. I am keeping Lady America and I will make sure that she keeps her mouth shut about anything else she knows. I love her and that's that. I will find a way to make her a good princess."

"I said she goes home," my father argued before he saw my mother put a hand on my shoulder. I tried not to wince at the weight as every part of my body had become sore from the long night I had had.

"Clarkson, I had my own mistakes when I was a participant in your Selection. We owe her our son's life and I believe that Maxon has every right to give her one last chance." She kissed my cheek and left at my father's soft glare so that we could talk it out amongst ourselves.

"I'm not happy about this and I don't want her to be princess. I don't believe she loves you at all and you'll come to see that. But, I'll let her stay and let her hurt you again. That's on you. And when the moment comes, I do get to say I told you so." With that, my father left, slamming the door behind him.

America was staying. I rushed down the hallway to tell her and composed myself once again as I explained the situation. Kriss stumbled across us and asked me if we were still having dinner and I told her yes. I looked to America for confirmation that she was going to trust me and let me make my own decisions. I had to know that she wasn't going to be rash again just because I needed to see where my other relationships could take me. Without much else to say, I left her there to decide what her next move was going to be.


End file.
